


frustrated

by littlelino (taeyeongie)



Series: little!ateez [5]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Age Regression, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Caregiver!Hongjoong, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Little Space, Little!San, M/M, Multi, Other, agere, baby boy choi san, blink and you'll miss it: seongjoong, caregiver!mingi, caregiver!seonghwa, caregiver!yeosang, caregiver!yunho, hope you like it!!, lapslock, little!jongho, little!wooyoung, little!yeosang, san!centric, this fic is mainly centred around the platonic caregiver-little relationship btwn yeosang and san, this is one of the best things i've ever written ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28518123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyeongie/pseuds/littlelino
Summary: little san gets so angry with his main caregiver yeosang not paying enough attention to him, his mind forces him out of his headspace. they all deal with the aftermath.
Relationships: (if you squint) - Relationship, Choi San & Everyone, Choi San & Kang Yeosang, Everyone & Everyone, Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: little!ateez [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668769
Kudos: 126





	frustrated

**Author's Note:**

> tw/cw: involuntarily falling in and out of little space, some swearing
> 
> this fic goes pretty heavy-handed with the angst, but i promise the ending is happy!! you may have noticed i put it in a new series, of which i'm really excited to more!! i've also included it in my little!ateez series, but it is set in a slightly different universe than the other stories. feel free to read them as well!

san was frustrated. 

wooyoung had only just come to terms with being a little, and they were all proud of him, san especially. it was a big step for the younger, and san was happy for his best friend, of course he was. 

except when wooyoung was little, he only wanted yeosang. 

and yeosang was _san’s_ main caregiver. 

granted, it made sense. yeosang was the first to help wooyoung drop, and he and san were almost never little together, since oftentimes seeing wooyoung little triggered san’s inner caregiver, something that rarely happened. 

but lately, wooyoung and san had been feeling little at the same time. and while san enjoyed spending time with his hyungies, it wasn’t the same as with his appa. 

san tried desperately to get yeosang’s attention, even if just for a few minutes, but the caregiver’s focus was always on wooyoung. the youngest of the three often found himself in baby space, small enough that he needed constant attention, while san was older, around three, and could occupy himself. but little san didn’t understand why his appa wasn’t even _looking_ at him—it was all _wooyoungie this_ and _wooyoungie that._

yeosang was supposed to be _his_ appa, not wooyoungie’s. 

at first, san tried his best to deal with it. he played with yunnie and jjong and mingky, and let hwa and joong dress and feed him. 

but after a few days of watching his appa and wooyoungie constantly glued to each other’s sides, san was starting to feel anxious. 

had his appa found a new baby? a _better_ one? was san being replaced?

san couldn’t stand the thought of that. 

so he did his best to get his appa’s attention back. he would play loudly, or shout, or jump off the bed—all things that would normally warrant him a stern look and a fond smile. but he got nothing more than a, “stop it, sannie,” while his appa changed wooyoungie’s diaper. 

san pouted, stomping off to find yunnie. 

a whole week went by. yeosang was showing no signs of ever returning his caregiving to san. the thought made san nauseous. 

“what’s wrong, bunny?” seonghwa asked one day when san was especially squirmy in his lap. 

“‘m lonely,” san answered, pouting. seonghwa frowned slightly. 

“your hyungie’s right here, bun.”

“know that.” san continued to squirm. 

“can you tell hyungie what’s really bothering you?”

“nn!” san buried his face in seonghwa’s chest. the eldest cooed softly, rubbing the little’s back. 

“okay, bun, we don’t have to today.”

before san had a chance to actually talk about how he felt with yeosang in big space, disaster struck. 

wooyoung had regressed one morning when it was just him, yeosang, and san in the dorm. the latter two decided to set wooyoung up in the living room with some cartoons playing on the tv. san had felt big, but as he continued watching, his mind started getting fuzzy. he tugged on his appa’s sleeve, hoping the elder would go get his paci for him, but yeosang was too focused on making wooyoung’s bottle. 

“appa.” san pouted. yeosang shook his head. 

“not right now, baby. you’re a big brave boy, you can get your paci by yourself, yeah?”

it felt like total dismissal. san turned and stomped back into the living room, tears already welling in his eyes, when he tripped over one of the blocks wooyoung had been playing with, sending san tumbling to the floor with a cry. 

unbeknownst to him, tripping over the block had caused it to fly backwards and straight into wooyoung. 

the younger little began to sob, and san startled at the noise, wiping away his own tears when he realised what was happening. 

“youngie!” he gasped, forgetting about what happened to himself for a moment and rushing forward to give the younger a hug. 

“i don’t think so!” yeosang grabbed san by the wrist, keeping him at arm’s length. wooyoung kept crying, clinging to yeosang’s leg. san didn’t understand what was wrong. 

“appa?” san’s lower lip wobbled. 

“we do _not_ throw things, san-ah,” yeosang said sternly. san’s eyes widened. 

“appa, no! didn’—didn’ throw anythin’!”

“the block hit wooyoung, san. i saw it.”

“no, appa, no, sannie didn’ throw it, sannie tripped—”

“i’m not going to argue with you about this, san.”

“but, but, appa—”

“time out corner, _now_.”

san wrenched his arm out of yeosang’s grip. he suddenly didn’t feel little anymore. 

“fuck off!” he snapped, and yeosang stepped back, appalled at the sudden shift. 

san stormed out of the room, wooyoung’s crocodile tears echoing behind him. 

weeks went by. things were tense. 

san hadn’t felt little since everything that happened, yeosang hadn’t tried to talk to him about it, and wooyoung didn’t really even remember. as far as san knew, none of the others really had any idea what went wrong, just that yeosang and san had gotten in an argument _(fought)_. 

there were some days where san could tell his body was aching for a drop, but his mind wouldn’t let him. he knew something was wrong, something was keeping him from being little. 

and he had a pretty good idea of what it was, but he was terrified of admitting it out loud. 

he knew the members felt like they were walking on eggshells whenever he and yeosang were in the same room. He knew they had to talk about it in order to fix it. 

but every time san even _thought_ about approaching yeosang, his mind shouted at him not to, warning him that yeosang would just dismiss him again, or worse, get mad at him again. 

san didn’t think he could handle that. 

dance practice was probably the most awkward. san was usually the mood-lifter, but with him being quieter than normal, the practice room felt strange. 

perhaps the worst moment, though, was when they were all in the studio recording their new song. 

the tension was palpable. yeosang and san sat on opposite ends of the sofa, and wooyoung plopped down beside yeosang, which made san’s skin crawl. seonghwa took the seat next to san, unfurling the younger’s clenched fists and holding his hand. 

yunho went first, hongjoong and eden watching with warm yet calculating eyes. it was hongjoong’s first time producing for an album, so everyone was more excited than nervous. 

yunho finished quickly, yeosang going after him. san was glad yeosang was more confident in himself now, but he couldn’t watch for very long, instead occupying himself with a loose thread on his jeans. 

seonghwa was next, and he gave san’s knee a gentle squeeze before standing up. after seonghwa was mingi, then jongho, and then san. 

hongjoong gave san a thumbs up before the younger headed into the booth, which san appreciated. he fumbled a couple times due to his nerves, but otherwise finished smoothly like the rest. 

upon exiting the booth, san’s eyes instinctively travelled to yeosang for approval, but the elder’s attention was once again fixated on wooyoung, since he was next. 

san swallowed the lump in his throat and sat back down beside seonghwa, who was starting to get an idea as to what was wrong. 

wooyoung only took about fifteen minutes, around the same as seonghwa since they had a similar amount of lines. 

“great job everyone!” hongjoong said with a grin. eden congratulated them and hugged each of them on his way out. 

“was it okay?” wooyoung’s voice was asking, and san looked over to see the younger talking to yeosang. 

“of course it was, baby.” yeosang pressed a gentle kiss to wooyoung’s forehead. san froze, his eyes widening. 

_baby_ was what yeosang called san when he was little. _sannie_ was supposed to be yeosang’s baby, his _only_ baby. 

something inside san snapped at that moment. 

“no!” he yelled, shooting up off the couch, and the others all startled. 

“san?” seonghwa reached for the younger, who shook him off and went straight for wooyoung, ripping him away from yeosang. 

“hey!” yeosang exclaimed, and wooyoung yelped in surprise. 

“what the hell, san-ah?!” wooyoung exclaimed. 

“piss off!” san glared, crossing his arms. 

“calm down, san-ah,” yeosang told him, but san was done listening to what yeosang had to say. 

“i’m sick of you being all over him!” san seethed, and he wasn’t even sure if he was talking to wooyoung or yeosang. “i’m sick of it!”

“what’s going on?” hongjoong cut in. 

“san, what is your deal?” wooyoung complained. 

“shut _up!_ ” san shouted. wooyoung’s eyes widened. “just shut up! i’m—i’m so—”

all of a sudden, the wind left his sails. san could feel himself shaking, the tears burning behind his eyes. 

he crumpled to the floor, strangled sobs getting caught in his throat as he choked on air. 

for a moment, nobody moved, too shocked at the sudden turnaround. 

yeosang reacted first. 

he crouched down and placed a hand on san’s knee. “baby—”

“no!” san scrambled back, shoving yeosang away. “not yours! never yours!”

yeosang’s heart dropped. “what? baby, no—”

san screamed, squeezing his eyes shut, hands covering his ears. 

“hey, hey, kitten.” hongjoong knelt beside san. “what’s the matter, hm? can you tell us what’s wrong?”

san shook his head, hands remaining firmly over his ears. yunho knelt down as well. 

“sweetie, it’s me, yunnie hyung. can i touch you?”

“mm.” san sniffled, still not opening his eyes. yunho scooped san up into his arms, unsure as to what was going on. 

san buried his face in yunho’s shoulder, quiet sobs racking his small frame. 

“let’s get him home,” hongjoong said. “mingi, can you call manager hyung?”

“of course, hyung.” mingi nodded, going to grab his phone. the rest of the members began packing their things. 

“yeosang, wooyoung, can i talk to you for a sec?” seonghwa asked. yeosang turned to him, and seonghwa’s heart clenched. the younger looked so stressed. 

“hyung, what’s going on? why won’t he—why did he say he isn’t mine? hyung—”

“shh, it’ll be okay, yeosang-ah,” seonghwa assured him, pulling him in for a hug. 

“is… is sannie mad?” wooyoung’s small voice came, and seonghwa stroked his hair gently. 

“he’ll be okay, prince. he’s just… frustrated.”

back at the dorm, san was close to hysterical, having been slammed from _adult angry_ to _little frustration_ in record time. the whole ordeal had caused jongho to drop as well, and he had immediately joined in on the crying. 

“shh, it’s okay, bub,” mingi said as he wiped jongho’s tears. “your sannie hyungie’s gonna be just fine, bubba.”

jongho sniffled. he really was trying his hardest to not cry, but he’d never seen his hyungie so _sad_. a fresh wave of tears began welling up as he watched san sob into hongjoong’s shoulder. 

“hyungie sad, gi.” jongho hiccupped. mingi kissed his cheek. 

“i know, bub, but he’ll be okay, i promise.”

“kitten, it’s all right,” hongjoong whispered into san’s hair; he had somehow managed to wrangle the little into his lap earlier. “everything’s gonna be okay, kitten.”

“sweetie, can you tell joongie and yunnie what’s wrong?” yunho asked softly. san shook his head, whining high in his throat. 

“why can’t you tell us, kitten?” hongjoong decided to ask instead. san whimpered, his little fist coming up to rub at his eye. 

“mad,” he mumbled after a moment. 

“we’re not mad, sweetie, promise,” yunho said. “nobody’s mad at you.”

san whined again and flailed his arms, hongjoong barely managing to catch the little’s wrists before getting hit. “no’ you!”

“not us?” yunho repeated, to make sure. san nodded so desperately, yunho’s heart broke a little. 

hongjoong’s eyes widened as, suddenly, it clicked. 

“kitten,” he said as gently as possible. san looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. “do you think your appa is mad with you?”

“no’ think. is.”

yunho frowned. “sweetie, i know it’s hard, but we have to know what’s going on in order to help.”

san’s bottom lip trembled. the two caregivers braced themselves for another fit. 

“no’ ap—ddangie’s baby no more,” san finally confessed. 

hongjoong and yunho were alarmed at san’s word choice—the little hadn’t used _ddangie_ since yeosang became san’s main caregiver. 

“what do you mean, kitten?” hongjoong dared to ask. san looked away. “it’s okay, kitten, you can tell us. you won’t be in any trouble, i promise.”

“pinky promise?” san held out his little finger, and both caregivers had to stop themselves from cooing aloud. 

“pinky promise.” hongjoong hooked his pinky with san’s. san took a shaky breath. 

“ever… ever since youngie been small, ddangie no pay ‘tention sannie.”

hongjoong’s heart clenched at how utterly _defeated_ san sounded. “oh, kitten…”

he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. _that must be seonghwa,_ hongjoong thought and took his phone out to check. 

“no—” san’s breath hitched. “no’ love sannie no more.”

“oh, sweetie, come here,” yunho said, pulling san into his lap as the little began to cry all over again. 

“i gotta take this,” hongjoong whispered as he stood up. yunho nodded. 

hongjoong headed into the next room, quickly answering the call before it went to voicemail. “hey.”

 _“how is he?”_ seonghwa asked immediately. hongjoong pursed his lips. 

“he’s… sad.”

 _“no kidding.”_ seonghwa huffed. 

“jongho regressed too. i think mingi’s calmed him down already, though.”

_“poor baby… did sannie tell you?”_

“he did. are you on your way back?”

_“mm, we’re in the car now. they fell asleep, don’t worry.”_

“do they know?”

_“they do now. i’ve had a feeling something was off for a while now, considering sannie didn’t regress for weeks, but after today…”_

“yeah,” hongjoong agreed. “how did they take it?”

_“badly. they’re both a mess—yeosang dropped.”_

hongjoong winced. “shit.”

_“they’re scared, more than anything. yeosang especially.”_

“san is too. he said—he called yeosang ‘ddangie’, hwa.”

seonghwa didn’t say anything for a moment, then hongjoong heard him talking softly, probably to someone in the car. 

_“we’re almost there. i think it’s best to keep them apart for tonight. this is definitely a ‘big’ discussion.”_

“agreed. i’ll see if we can get sannie to bed.”

_“okay. see you soon, joong.”_

“love you, hwa,” hongjoong said, without really thinking. he could practically hear the smile in seonghwa’s voice when he replied. 

_“love you too.”_

hongjoong hung up with a small sigh. there were only faint hiccups coming from the main room now, which was a good sign. 

“mingi took jongho to bed,” yunho told hongjoong as the leader walked over. 

“that’s good.” hongjoong crouched beside the pair. san’s eyelids were beginning to droop as he rested against yunho’s chest. 

“he’s nonverbal now. must be tired,” yunho said. hongjoong couldn’t disagree. “is it sleepytime, sweetie?”

“mm.” san nodded tiredly. he was never one to make a fuss at nap- or bedtime. 

“all right, kitten.” hongjoong lifted san gently out of yunho’s lap, san’s legs instinctively wrapping around hongjoong’s waist. the leader turned to look at yunho. “the others will be home in just a minute.”

“i’ll wait here,” yunho replied. hongjoong gave him a smile. 

san squirmed slightly, impatient to get to sleep, and hongjoong chuckled. “okay, okay. let’s go get your pjs on, yeah?”

“mm.” san nestled in hongjoong’s arms. hongjoong kissed the top of san’s hair. 

“okay, kitten.”

in the short time it took for hongjoong to settle san down for bedtime, seonghwa had arrived home, yeosang and wooyoung in tow. as soon as the three came through the door, yunho lifted yeosang up onto his hip and nuzzled their noses together, eliciting a small giggle from yeosang. 

“hey, lovebug, how are you feeling?” yunho brushed yeosang’s bangs out of his face. the boy’s eyes began to water. 

“yuyu, sannie mad at sangie?”

“cupcake, sannie just needs some time to think, okay?” hongjoong kissed the blonde’s cheek. “nobody’s mad, i _promise_.”

“woo protec’ yeoyeo,” wooyoung said defiantly, though his eyes were also shining with unshed tears. 

“aren’t you a brave little prince?” seonghwa scooped wooyoung up. the black-haired boy nodded as he rested his head against seonghwa’s shoulder. “let’s get you boys to bed, hm?”

“bed!” wooyoung cheered. 

“no talk sannie?” yeosang asked, voice so small, hongjoong almost missed it. 

“i know you want to talk to him, babydoll, but it will be much better if we all talk tomorrow when we’ve rested and calmed down a bit, don’t you think?” seonghwa stepped in. 

yeosang didn’t seem too happy about this arrangement, but he hummed his agreement anyway. 

“thank you, lovebug.” yunho pressed a soft kiss to yeosang’s nose, who giggled again at the feeling. “let’s get you all nice and cosy for sleepytime, then.”

san woke in the middle of the night (early morning) no longer small. normally when he woke up after being little, it was because he’d had a nightmare, but he didn’t remember having one. 

belatedly, san realised his head was pounding, and he groaned, sitting up. he must have been dehydrated from all the crying. 

god, he’d made such a fool of himself, hadn’t he? if only he’d had enough sense to just _talk_ to yeosang in big space, none of this would have ever happened. 

san sighed. he supposed there was no use dwelling on it now, especially not at quarter-past four in the morning when his head hurt this bad. 

he pushed himself off the bed, somehow only then noticing he was in the bottom bunk rather than the top. it made sense, though; how hard would it have been to wrangle a sleepy sannie up there? 

san pulled on the first hoodie he laid eyes on (it was definitely yunho’s if the way it swamped san’s frame was any indication) and headed out into the kitchen. 

he passed by the sitting room on his way there, surprised to find the door ajar and the sound of a show playing coming from inside. after listening for a moment, he nudged the door open a little further, peering in, expecting to see wooyoung or maybe even jongho. 

instead, he was met with the sight of yeosang, huddled in at least three blankets, staring up at the tv with glossy eyes. 

san’s heart clenched. his outburst had caused _yeosang_ to drop? the elder had always said he only felt little when he was super stressed or really anxious, not needing it anywhere close to as often the others did. a switch, with a heavy lean towards caregiving, he always called himself. but to see him like this, a result of san’s own stupidity… 

“yeosang?” san called softly. yeosang startled, turning to the doorway. his eyes widened when he realised who was there. 

“sannie!” yeosang scrambled to stand up, and san could tell from a mile away that the blonde was trying to force himself to be big. “what-what are you doing up?”

“i could ask the same to you, gumdrop,” san said, carefully gauging yeosang’s reaction to the nickname. the elder blinked owlishly, shoulders drooping, before he shook his head and clutched his blankets tighter. 

“was just—couldn’t sleep. decided to watch some—some…”

“it’s okay, gumdrop.” san gambled a step forward. yeosang didn’t move. “sangie, i… i’m really sorry about earlier. i don’t… i wish i was able to talk to you about it rather than just… breakdown.”

yeosang’s eyes were starting to well with tears again. “is my fault too,” he sniffled. “was too oblivious to see how badly you were hurting, and that—tha’s not right, sannie, shoulda known better.”

a beat of tense silence passed. then yeosang said, 

“youngie and i are dating.”

san blinked. it took a moment for it to sink in. “you—you’re dating?”

yeosang nodded, looking anywhere but san. “mm. we, um—was gonna tell you, tell everybody, after recording, but…”

san felt so stupid. he felt like a goddamn idiot. “yeosang, i am so, so sorry, oh my god, i was so dumb, i thought—”

“i know.” yeosang’s lower lip trembled. “i know, ’m sorry too.”

“can i hug you?” san asked, not even caring how desperate he sounded. yeosang nodded, almost frantically. 

“yes. yes, please, sannie, please—”

san surged forward, gathering yeosang up in his arms. he held the blonde tight against his chest, as if yeosang would disappear if san let go. 

“i love you,” san whispered. 

“love u too,” yeosang mumbled into san’s neck. 

“do you still wanna be small?” san wondered after a moment, yeosang still safe in his arms. yeosang hesitated, before nodding again. “okay, gumdrop. wanna watch a movie together?”

yeosang’s eyes lit up. “dragons?”

san grinned. _how to train your dragon_ had always been one of little yeosang’s favourites. 

“of course, gumdrop.” san kissed the top of yeosang’s hair. “anything for you, baby.”

yeosang nestled against san’s side once the pink-haired boy had put the movie in, the two of them cuddled together in the comfort of knowing everything would be okay. 

and when seonghwa found them like that the next morning, fast asleep in each other’s arms, he just smiled, fixing one of the many blankets to cover them better, and left them be. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all for reading!! i hope you enjoyed :3
> 
> please feel free to leave requests in the comments of what else you'd like to see in this universe!! (it doesn't have to be agere/littlespace related)


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